Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
