Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
