I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
