We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
