I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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