Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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