I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
