I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
