i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
