i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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