It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
