the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
