you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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