she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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