He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
