i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
