When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
