Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Having a random hookup so left but love u
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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