I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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