The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
