Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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