My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
