hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
