I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
