put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
