im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
