Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was not drunk enough for that final.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
