Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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