WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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