Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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