I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
