We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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