I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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