I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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