Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
