she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I supernannyed him into submission
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
