i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
