OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
