Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
