Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
