whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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