dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
