Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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