i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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