I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you will always have a special place in my vag
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
