umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
