My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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