in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
