hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
