just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
