I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
