On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
