it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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