We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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