It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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