so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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